Behaving Badly
by theWeekendSquared
Summary: "After all, every failure means you just unbutton your shirt a bit more. You pull up your skirt a bit higher. You add an extra 's' to your name. I am landing this boy even if it means I have to strip down to my underwear and perform Parseltongue every time I say my own name." Lissa's got her eye on a certain Fnick and she'll do anything it takes to get him. [AU]
1. Chapter 1

**I actually really like Lissa, even if she was in the books for about two pages and was painted as a boyfriend stealer. She honestly represents all MR fangirls that are here for Fang. I don't blame you. This story's hella short and so are the chapters. The shortest chapter is literally 300 words. It's not 100% canon compliant, but I tried my best (which included rereading parts of the horrible entity that was SO-F).**

 **This story takes place in SO-F technically, but since this is an AU I'm making all the characters including Max and Fang four years older, so they're joining school as seniors instead of eighth graders. This is because making a fourteen-year-old girl say and do the things she does in this story was a little too cringey for me.**

* * *

"And I know you had sex with Elena on Homecoming night, you whore!"

Nathaniel gave me such a sour look I could see the premature frown lines forming on his forehead. Nothing some basic concealer couldn't fix, but I didn't give a fuck about him or his lines anymore.

I pushed past the lemmings that were gawking at our shouting match in the hallways, but not before giving them all a hairflip to show how unfazed I was. I entered the cafeteria, my high heels clacking on the cheap plastic tile, and when I found my BFF Chari in our usual spot at the back I made a beeline for her.

"Oh, honey," was the first thing Chari said, as I pulled out my compact mirror. Our epic shouting match had _totally_ ruined my makeup. I began touching up my lipstick. Cherry red was my shade, because it perfectly matched my hair. "I heard what happened. Quite literally."

I didn't say anything. Chari put a piece of lettuce in her mouth, and I pulled out my own herb salad.

"So... you guys are officially over?"

In response, I stabbed my plastic fork into the spinach so hard that it broke in half. "Dick."

Chari nodded wisely. "In my experience, most boy problems start with them." Chari was _that_ girl. The girl who had a different boy on her arm every other week. When she was finished with all the attractive-ish boys in our grade, she moved on to college men. It was no surprise how she did it, not with her blue eyes, honey-blonde hair, and those double D's didn't hurt either.

I stared across the lunchroom to where Nathaniel was sitting. Our high school was just like most other high schools on the planet. The all-star quarterback dating the hottest girl in school. Who happened to be me. I'm not being vain- it was a fact. Like gravity or Kate Spade heels being the new denim sandals. And no one dared dispute it, either, lest they wanted my bright red nails swiped across their face.

We were a pretty good couple, turning heads and taking names, until he decided to stick his dick where it didn't belong. The worst part was he thought he could hide it from _me_. Lissa Mulligan, the Gossip Cop of this shithole school. Who do you think found out first?

"What did I do wrong?" I kept staring at Nathaniel, who was laughing too loudly with his football buddies and doing a piss-poor job of pretending his ex-girlfriend wasn't staring daggers at him.

Chari flipped her hair. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Look at you. If he thought a ten like you wasn't good enough for him, he's a dick."

"Speaking of... it was crooked," I mused, picking at my salad.

Chari laughed. "Should've warned Elena. But really, honey. Most boy problems start with them, but they also end with them. What you need is a fresh start. Someone new."

I stared at her. Our school was a tiny brick box in the middle of nowhere. Where the hell was I supposed to find someone new that Chari hadn't already used? "Where the hell am I supposed to find someone new?"

She shrugged. "You never know. I heard there were three new kids coming to our grade today."

I grinned. I might've been a Gossip Cop, but Chari was the goddamn gossip _queen_. I hadn't heard anything about new kids. But I also had been rather preoccupied today with breaking up with my shithead boyfriend. "New kids?"

"Yeah, two guys and a girl. You never know... we have English with Cheatham next period. Maybe the Hot Guy Gods will bless you. If you squeeze your tampon hard enough, and whisper the words _Prada sale_ in the mirror three times, it'll happen."

Just then, the bell rang for class. I pushed past Nathaniel, whose arm was now sneaking around the cheerleader slut Elena.

I dumped my mostly untouched salad in the trash and checked my hair. I mean, the odds that the new guys would be hot were minuscule. But it wouldn't hurt to turn the charm up, just in case.

I was going to win this breakup if it killed me.


	2. Chapter 2

**I ripped some of the dialogue straight from SO-F to make this more believable, so it goes without saying that I don't own these characters.**

* * *

Imagine my surprise when Cheatham walked into our classroom followed by not one, but _two_ boys awkwardly trailing behind her. They were holding hands for some reason, but I chose to ignore that. "Okay guys, we have two new students joining our class today, so be sure to welcome them to our school!"

Behind me, Chari elbowed me with enough force to bruise my ribcage for the next two weeks. But I was too busy ogling the new talent to scowl at her. And _wowza_.

The taller one had pale skin sprinkled with freckles. He had clear blue eyes that for some reason looked odd, like they took light in but gave none out. His blonde hair looked almost red, and it stuck up in the back, making it seem like he had a cute bedhead.

But the other one... If girls could get boners, I'd have one right about now. Dark, ruffled hair, deep brown eyes that sparkled a little, cheekbones so sculpted that I wondered what contour kit he used, and from what I could see in that tight black T-shirt, my boy had some intense muscles. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him, and I surreptitiously crossed my legs so that more of my glorious tan would be visible to him.

His eyes darted around the room as if checking for threats, and when they fell on me for a split second I gave him the most charming smile I could muster. He looked at me for a split second longer, and then he looked down at his feet.

Just call me Mrs. Lissa New Guy.

"Why don't you say a few things about yourselves? Where are you from?" Mrs. Cheatham just _had_ to interrupt my reverie with her droning voice. The taller one spoke first. "Well, I'm Jeff. And we're from... New York." He screwed up his face like it was an effort to remember. Cute, but dumb. Not my type, but Chari was probably drooling all over him.

My boy looked at the ground before talking in this totally deep, sexy voice. "I'm F-Nick." He closed his mouth and looked up at Mrs. Cheatham, who looked a little bit taken aback. Clearly she expected the boys to say more about themselves. I mean, if it was _me_ up there, it would be hours before I would be done talking about myself.

But strong and silent types are pretty sexy.

"Okay, well, Jeff, you can take this seat up here in the front, next to Tess." Nick tapped Jeff twice on the hand, and that's when I put two and two together. Cute-but-Dumb was blind. Chari had her work cut out for her. And then Mrs. Cheatham, the woman who failed me on my Hamlet oral, the woman who gave me five hours of work before Homecoming night, the woman who I never thought would do anything nice for me ever, said the magic words.

"Nick, you can take the empty seat next to Lissa."

Nick looked around, clearly wondering who the name _Lissa_ belonged to, and then his eyes flared with recognition when he saw my cutesy smile and wave.

Yessss. Come into my web.

"Okay, class, this period's going to be a free study time. I suggest you all take this time to work on your reflections, because some of your rough drafts were quite dismal."

Today was just getting better and better. Now I had the entire period to freely talk to Sir Sex Bomb next to me. No matter that my own rough draft had recieved a C-. Academic pursuits could wait. I was pursuing something that would be much more satisfying in the long run.

Time to pull out the Lissa's Three S's of flirting. Simper, Suckup, and Striptease.

I smiled at Nick as he glanced around at his surroundings once more. Jesus, this kid seemed oddly paranoid. No matter. His dark eyes met mine for another brief second, and I recognized my opportunity.

"Do you know where the dictionary is?" Just bear with me. There's a method to my madness.

Nick gave me such a sexy confused look. "What?"

Here's my method: I was going to pretend to be all nice and helpful, and lure him in with a sense of security, and then I'd pounce when the moment was right. "Our reference materials are over here." I pointed to the back, where the mini computer lab and shelves of textbooks that nobody ever used except to make spitwads were. "When we have free study time, you can walk around and do homework. If you need to look up stuff, the computers and other references are over here."

Ha. I was good. "Oh. Okay. Thanks."

He looked slightly uncomfortable, but I guess that was because he'd never met a girl quite like me before. Again, not being vain. It was just a fact, like Ryan Reynolds being a sex god.

"I'm Lissa," I said, my bright red lips curling into a sexy smile. Trust me. I'd practiced it countless times. "And you're Nick, right?" My hand gently rested on his desk, so close that I could feel the warmth radiating from his arm.

He looked at me like he wasn't sure what to do. "Uh-huh." Dammit, I could feel myself losing him.

Time to go for broke. "I'm really glad you're in our class," I said, leaning even closer to him. Hopefully he could smell my lavender soap and not the sweat starting to form on my underarms.

Nick glanced at my chest and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks. Bless him. "What? Why?"

I gazed into his eyes. "Why do you think?"

Before he could reply and seal the deal, the bell rang. Quick as a whip, he stood up, tapped Jeff's hand twice, and the two of them were the first out the door.

I lingered in my seat, a coy smile spreading over my lips. A plan, she formed.

Remind me to thank the Hot Guy Gods.


	3. Chapter 3

After English, I had a free period. I walked into the bathroom to touch up my makeup. Wearing makeup was so annoying- it literally had to be redone every ten minutes. But as soon as I walked in I heard loud moaning noises coming from the furthest stall, the one that was always out of order.

I frowned. I really didn't want to be hearing people having sex while I fixed my eyeliner. In a _bathroom_ , of all places. I mean, talk about unsanitary.

And then I heard it.

"Oh _, Nathaniel_!"

What. The. Fuck.

Abandoning all pretense, I kicked open the door to the stall to find my ex and the cheerleading slut Elena doing it doggy style over the toilet bowl. She was wearing nothing but a red lacy bra, and he was wearing nothing at all. Upon seeing me, Elena shrieked and covered herself up with Nathaniel's football jersey. But my dickwad ex just stared at me, a slight color creeping up his cheeks.

"Uh, Lissa," he said casually. "It's not what it looks like."

I gave him a sweet smile. "Oh, I know. You two are just giving each other an in- _depth_ anatomy lesson." I shrugged. "No problem. _We're_ broken up, anyway. I don't date assholes with chlamydia."

Elena's eyes widened. "What?"

"No- she's lying-" As Nathaniel stuttered out a response, I smiled and walked out of the bathroom. My work in there was done.

Then I spotted Nick down the hallway, talking to his brother and a pretty blonde girl I'd never seen before. But judging by the serious expression on her face that matched Nick's perfectly, I'd say they were siblings. I grinned before flipping my hair and walking over to them. My work out here was just getting started.

* * *

"So, it _was_ you that started the rumor about Nathaniel having chlamydia."

I shrugged and popped a piece of low-fat popcorn into my mouth. "What can I say? Don't cross me."

Chari chuckled and laid down on my bed. "Lise, you're such a bad girl sometimes."

"Hey. Sometimes, behaving badly is how you get shit done. And I get shit _done_."

Chari shrugged. "Whatever you say, my sweet. How's Nick? The guy you've basically been drooling over the past few days?"

I paused and raised my head from where it was resting on a pillow to look at Chari cautiously. "Is it that obvious?" I thought I was keeping it cool. I hadn't moved past the first two S's, simpering and sucking up, because wherever he went, he went with either his blind brother Jeff or that other girl, who I had learned was named Max.

On one hand, it was really cute that he cared so much about his siblings. But on the other, much larger hand, I just wanted to fuck him already.

Chari shook her head and grabbed a handful of popcorn. "You'd better jump on that train before it's too late."

"Don't worry," I said, hopping off my bed and walking towards my closet, which was full to bursting. "I've got a plan. Now, what underwear looks the sexiest?"

Tomorrow, I was going to implement the third S if it killed me. A little flash of a lacy bra here and there was bound to grab his attention. I just had to get him alone.

* * *

"You like biology?" I nodded to the article he was looking at on the computer, something about DNA and genetics and mutations. He jumped slightly and hurriedly closed the tab upon hearing my voice, _bless him_.

"Uh, kind of," he muttered, running a hand through his hair, looking slightly bemused. I didn't blame him for being slightly unnerved. It was after school, after all, and I totally did _not_ stalk him for the last two periods of the day, trying to figure out where the hell he disappeared to after class. It was more... casual following. I was kind of surprised he went into the library. Nick didn't strike me as the nerd type.

I'd coax more words out of him yet. "You know, there's a really cool poster of DNA and genetics in the chemistry lab. You should check it out."

"Thanks," he said quietly, looking at me. "I will."

"We could go now," I said, leaning forward. I had chosen my outfit well. The neckline on my Ralph Lauren shirt... well, let's just say he was having a hard time focusing on my face. "I could give you a tour of the lab, too, since you'll be in there next week."

Nick opened his mouth, about to say something, but then he closed it, looking not at me but behind me. I turned around to find the blonde girl, Max, chatting animatedly with Sam. Sam was a pretty nice guy, but I had been there and done that in ninth grade.

"That's your sister, right?" I asked Nick, watching Sam put his hand on Max's upper arm.

He nodded, his jaw set. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked angry. _It's so cute that he's protective of his sister_.

"Hey," I said, in what I hoped was a reassuring voice. "Don't worry about her. Sam's a good guy."

Nick gave no sign that he had heard me. He just kept staring at them, staying perfectly still. Just when I started to think this boy had turned into a statue, he said, "Let's go to the lab you were talking about."

"Yeah?"

He grabbed his stuff and turned the computer off. "Yeah."

Holy God, _yes_. This was the moment I was waiting for. I led the way out of the library and down the halls to the science lab, where the DNA poster was hanging on the wall. I was pretty interested in biology myself, except for the whole blood-and-guts thing. But DNA was pretty damn interesting.

I waited for Nick to enter the room and silently closed the door behind me. He looked at the poster, smirking slightly. I sidled up next to him. "You know what I like about DNA?" I asked quietly, not waiting for a response. "The way the base pairs fit together so perfectly. Adenine and thymine. Cytosine and guanine."

He looked at me, mildly surprised. "You like genetics?"

I smiled. "I didn't strike you as a smart girl, did I?"

He colored slightly and backpedaled. "I mean..."

"It's okay. I know what people think of me. I don't exactly give off a vibe of intelligence." Cue my shy smile and a slight adjustment of shirt so my bra strap was peeking out. Nearly there. He was basically putty in my hands.

Nick looked at me and moved closer of his own accord. _Of his own volition_. "I think you're smart," he said quietly.

I looked up at him- he was well over six feet- and batted my eyelashes. "Thanks."

He was looking at me now in a way he hadn't done all week. There was a flicker of genuine interest in those dark eyes. Finally, _finally_ I had him.

"So, the sinks are over there," I said pointing, pretending not to notice me inching closer to him. "The fume hood is back there, but we're not dealing with dangerous enough chemicals to actually use it. The goggle cupboard is right over here, and you'd better wear one unless you want your head chewed off by the teacher." I broke off, and Nick actually smiled. A genuine smile, with dimples and everything. It was enough to reduce me into a quivering mass of jelly.

"There's only one thing I haven't shown you yet," I whispered.

"What's that?"

I raised my eyebrows and leaned forward. He was a little taller than I was used to, but I managed to fit my lips under his just right. For a moment, his lips were as stiff and cold as rocks, but then he moved them to fit mine. He pulled me closer to him. His arms snaked around my back.

 _Suck your own dick, Nathaniel. I've won._


End file.
